Friday, August 04, 2006

End Of World To Occur On Tuesday

Lynchburg, Virginia - Biblical scholars at Liberty University announced today that, after a careful analysis of scripture, they have come to the conclusion that the world will end this Tuesday at 4:33 PM Eastern Standard Time. The end, they say, will begin with an army of avenging angels descending from Heaven for the purpose of culling the nonbelievers from the faithful. All nonbelievers will be immediately consigned to Hell where they will be subject to nonstop parties, sexual permissiveness and bacchanalian festivities that would make Dionysus jealous.

The remaining faithful, according to these scholars, will be carried on the wings of angels to Heaven where they will find no nudity, no sex, and no libations. Recreation will consist solely of eating twinkies while listening to a special CD collection of The 100 Best Sermons of Jerry Falwell.

Theodore Johnson, a student at Liberty University, after hearing the announcement said, "Is it too late for me to get into Hell? I don't want to die a sober virgin with the voice of Jerry Falwell ringing in my ears."

4 Comments:

Blogger FaulknA said...

No, it's never too late to go to Hell. Just vote Republican this election cycle and you'll soon be able to enjoy Hell right here on Earth!

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, more rantings from the lunatic left. Keep up the "good" work losers.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous rmdarling@centurytel.net said...

why would you remain anonymous? what are you afraid of? I'd rather be labeled lunatic than fascist and support the destruction of the Constitution.

6:48 PM  
Blogger arlene said...

I'm with rmdarling. Notice how the righties ALWAYS are anonymous? cowards! bile spittle...don't hold to "no religion" anymore, but I remember from my Sunday school learnin...."There are none so blind as those who refuse to see."

1:23 AM  

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