Thursday, July 27, 2006

National Park Service Outsourced to Pacific Lumber

Scotia, California - Officials of the Pacific Lumber Company announced today that they have been given the go ahead by the Republican led congress and President Bush to take over all operations of the National Park Service which is scheduled for elimination by the end of the year. This move to completely privatize the national park system is expected to increase efficiency and restore balance to the way the nation's resources are allocated.

At today's press conference, high ranking executives of Pacific Lumber presented their master plan for the national park system. It includes a series of theme parks devoted to the lumber industry which will include names such as Two-By-Four Land and Lumberville. This change in direction for the nation's park system will serve to demonstrate the value of harvesting these bountiful resources. Furthermore, recreation will be expanded to include more tracts for snowmobiles and games for the children such as chain saw competition and can you guess which trees make the best lumber for building and which are used for paper products?

Rob Ublind, a spokesperson for Pacific Lumber, said "This is a great opportunity for Pacific Lumber which we anticipate will greatly please our shareholders. We want to thank President Bush and the Republican leaders in congress for making Pacific Lumber the guardian of this treasure on behalf of the American people. We believe the elimination of the National Park Service will result in the savings of billions of dollars for the taxpayers of this country."


Blogger FaulknA said...

This is great. I live right down the road from this corporation. Now maybe I can get a job and help the national park system at the same time. Who would have thunk it? Will I get to call myself Ranger FaulknA then?

3:13 PM  

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