Mel Gibson Claims He Is Being Crucified
Malibu, California - A visibly agitated Mel Gibson today struck out against the media for reporting the facts of his arrest and said that he was being crucified simply because he is a hate-filled, misogynistic, anti-Semite with delusions of omnipotence. Said Gibson to the assembled news organizations gathered outside his ocean front residence, "F*** you all! You're all F***ing Jews. You too, sugar tits. You're nailing me to the f***ing cross just like you did Jesus. Yeah, I'm a hate-filled, misogynistic, anti-Semite with delusions of omnipotence. So f***ing what?"
When a reporter informed Gibson that Jesus was a Jew as was Mary, Gibson appeared momentarily stunned and then said "Well, f*** Jesus then! And f*** Mary too!"
In a related development, the Malibu police department denied that there was any favoritism or corruption involved in the preferential treatment Gibson received. Said Sheriff Lee Baca, "Mel Gibson was treated the same way every millionaire who gives me thousands of dollars is treated."