White House Discovers Records Proclaims Bush War Hero

Washington, D.C. - The White House announced today that a long lost box of Bush's records, detailing his time in the Texas National Guard, has been discovered. Apparently, the box was hidden beneath his Yale cheerleading outfits and a collection of beer steins from his days at a fraternity.

Press Secretary Tony Snow said, "These records we recently found show that President Bush volunteered for duty in Vietnam and, in fact, flew over 50 missions as a fighter pilot. Furthermore, the president is credited with shooting down 7 North Vietnamese MIGs. So, I hope this finally puts to rest the rumors regarding the president's military record."

When asked for copies of the recently discovered records to review, Snow replied "For the purpose of national security these records have been declared top secret and have been sealed."