Monday, July 24, 2006

Bacon And Beef The New Healthy Diet

Des Moines, Iowa - In a star studded announcement that featured celebrities Bruce Willis and Pat Sajak, representatives of the pork and beef industries introduced their "New healthy diet for the 21st century," a diet that relies almost exclusively on pork and beef products. This dramatic change in accepted nutritional practices follows years of lobbying by these two very powerful industries which finally convinced the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to give its official seal of approval for this new dietary standard.

Examples of healthy meals suggested jointly by the pork and beef industries along with the FDA are as follows; For breakfast, Portuguese sausages and chopped beef liver, for lunch, a bacon cheeseburger with a side of ribs, for dinner, a sirloin steak topped with grilled ground pork and two slices of Canadian bacon.

When questioned about the possible impact of this diet on the health of the average American, representatives of the pork and beef industries did not attempt to refute charges that diets rich in animal fat lead to higher levels of heart disease, stroke and cancer. But, they did say in reply, "wouldn't you rather die with a bacon cheeseburger in your hand and a smile on your face?"

Summing up the day's message, Pork and Beef spokesperson Derrick Dunwell said "Fruit and vegetables are out. Meat is in. Our motto is, you can never get enough meat."


Anonymous Pinko said...

"Depression will strike 20 million Americans this year. This serious illness has high costs in lost wages, mounting medical bills and strained family relationships.

How can you guard your family from depression? It's easy; eat what makes you happy! Pork and beef taste good. A good meal helps you feel happy. And, feeling happy has never been more important to your family's wellbeing than it is today.

So serve up some meat at every meal; it's the natural way to keep your family in peak mental health. You'll be glad you did!"

The preceeding has been a Public Service Announcement from the Saturated Fat Association of America.

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's about time!
On my second heart and couldn't be happier.

Lex Lipitor

10:44 PM  

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