God Fires Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson And James Dobson
Colorado Springs, Colorado - In an announcement that took many by surprise, God today demanded the immediate resignations of Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and James Dobson as his self-proclaimed spokesmen.
In a personal fax sent to each of these quasi-religious representatives, God stated that "Because the three of you have consistently misstated and perverted my teachings for your own aggrandizement I am forced to order each one of you to cease and desist using my name for your personal profit. This command is effective immediately. Any violations will be dealt with severely."
Authenticity of the faxed document was verified by several scholars who said that it produced a divine brightness that was not of this world and could only have come from the Creator. Professor Richard T. Fenwick of Harvard University's School of Divinity said, "There is no doubt that it is original. We can tell this by the masterly use of language and the heavenly calligraphy. Clearly, this came from the Man Himself."
Upon reading this document, witnesses report that Falwell, Robertson and Dobson all turned ghostly white and dropped to their knees while begging forgiveness for being wanton scam artists who prey on the ignorance and prejudices of the public.
Liberty University, Focus on the Family and the Christian Broadcasting Network will all be having going-out-of-business sales at the end of the month.