Friday, July 21, 2006

Evolution Banned In Kansas

Topeka, Kansas - Today, the Kansas State legislature banned evolution, and not just the teaching of evolution, but evolution itself. The new law proclaims that "All Kansans are descendants of Adam and Eve and were created by the hand of God without the help of Charles Darwin." It then goes on to state unequivocally that "Evolution has not and never will occur in Kansas."

Shortly after the vote, jubilant legislators held a victory party on the steps of the capital building. Speaker of the House Doug Mays, raising his fists into the air, shouted out "Evolution will not take place in Kansas as long as we have God fearing legislators like the ones here today."

This is the first time any state in the country has voted to criminalize the process of evolution and it is expected to be a model for others to follow. Already, state senators and representatives in Alabama, Mississippi and South Dakota have vowed to introduce similar legislation.

Many scientists, however, voiced doubts and said it remains to be seen whether this new law would prove effective in preventing the process of evolution from occurring within the state boundaries of Kansas.


Anonymous Pinko said...

From The Kansas Reporter:

Following today's resounding victory for anti-evolutionists, the Flat Earth Society is considering introducing legislation to the Kansas State Legislature in 2007. The proposed bill would mandate that "an alternative view of roundness" be taught in Kansas schools, according to Charles K. Zetetic, president of the society. In addition, the organization Everyone Agrees Regarding Those Heliocentrics (EARTH) is planning to introduce legislation as well. Legislation to be introduced by EARTH would concentrate on having "Earth first, Earth last, and Earth in the middle" precepts be compulsory for high school graduation in the Kansas state school system. Proficiency in these precepts would be judged by students being bound with ropes and weights and flung into the community swimming pool. Those students who float will be required to attend summer school and be re-tested prior to receiving their diplomas. Those students who drown will achieve passing scores.

1:05 PM  
Blogger SadButTrue said...

Hey, if Indiana can legislate to declare pi=3.2, what's to stop Ohio from repealing the law of gravity? Utah might want to reverse time, and go back to the good old days of unlimited bigamy. A lot of southern states might want to legislate a different result to the Civil War. The possibilities are endless. America could have colonies on the moons of Alpha Centauri, if only legislators could overcome their reluctance to wield their power effectively.

I personally would support any federal legislation that rendered George W. Bush smarter, or Dick Cheney more likeable. Let's legislate away the deficit and the national debt while we're at it.

5:36 PM  

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