Katie Couric Bares Breasts To Boost Ratings

New York, New York - In her first appearance as the new CBS Evening News anchor, Katie Couric surprised the viewers by spontaneously baring her breasts midway through the half-hour newscast. This groundbreaking moment in journalism occurred shortly after a story on Tom Cruise's heartfelt apology to Brooke Shields and before a feature on the health benefits of Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs).

In this unique gesture to viewers, Ms. Couric showed the competitive spirit she is taking to her new position and, at the same time, sent a clear signal to the other networks that she will do whatever it takes to win the ratings wars. However, NBC and ABC have already let it be known that they will not let this action go without a response. On tomorrow's broadcast, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams will do the entire broadcast wearing only his purple speedos. And, on ABC, Charlie Gibson will have his tongue pierced and fitted with a diamond stud.