Thursday, August 31, 2006

Drunken Scalia Begs Nation For Forgiveness

Enid, Oklahoma - Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, in town to address a national gathering of the Federalist Society, probably wishes he had stayed home instead. According to several eyewitnesses, the evening began to take a turn for the worse when Scalia engaged in heavy drinking at the festivities that followed the meeting. Apparently, after his sixth or seventh Jack Daniel's, the Supreme Court justice became increasingly belligerent and finally stormed out of the convention center when a cocktail waitress refused his advances.

Several hours later, Enid City Police found his abandoned rental car smashed against a light pole and immediately began a city-wide search to find the intoxicated jurist before he harmed himself or anyone else. Their search came to an end a short time later when they found Scalia on the steps of the Church of St. Francis waving his arms wildly and shouting at a group of people gathered on the street.

According to the police report, Scalia was asking these strangers for absolution for his sins against the Constitution and the people of America that resulted from his guiding role in the Bush versus Gore decision. As tears ran freely down his face, Scalia said, "I thought putting George W. Bush in the White House was my duty as a Republican and a Christian. I was so, so wrong. I put my own partisan beliefs above the Constitution and betrayed the country. Forgive me. Please, forgive me."

No charges have been filed against Justice Scalia and there has been no comment from the White House concerning his public outburst.

5 Comments:

Anonymous pinko said...

And there is no truth to the rumour that he asked the cop if he was Jewish.

12:10 PM  
Blogger MarchDancer said...

Oh Darn It! I was so hoping it had happened. Phooey! And lots of other words I won't put into print in an article re: Scalia. What if he reads them?

12:54 AM  
Blogger Planet Patriot said...

. . .Scalia is also under the influence of none other than the notorious. . .

JOE BUSH a.k.a. The Monstrous Morph

^Click on the link to see the evil evidence^

Warn Everyone!

(This message not endorsed by Joe Lieberman, George W. Bush, the Republican Party, their supporters or donors. Any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely intentional.)

Blog On

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this true, or some creative writing exercise? I Googled all kinds of permutations of 'scalia' and 'drunk' and 'crash,' but came up with nothing...

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did a Google all kind of combinations myself. Couldn't find anything that can colaborate this story. Shame on you Virt for blaming the finest supreme court judge America has ever had for things that are NOT TRUE. SHAME ON YOU! Shame! Shame!

7:16 PM  

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