Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Dead Zone Surrounds Crawford, Texas

Crawford, Texas - A group of students from Baylor University accidentally stumbled upon a dead zone centered in Crawford, Texas and the surrounding vicinity. The students were trying to capture honey bees in order to measure the infiltration rate of African killer bees into the local colonies. When they failed to find a single bee within a four mile circumference they grew suspicious. They then began to realize that there were no birds singing, no squirrels climbing trees and no ants crawling on the ground. Furthermore, all of the bushes and plants in the area had lost their foliage and appeared dry and brittle. Upon reporting their findings to their project supervisor, Baylor University dispatched a group of scientists who confirmed that this was indeed a dead zone.

An environmental anomaly, dead zones are areas that are almost completely absent of life and are generally found near scenes of natural or man made catastrophes. It is extremely rare to find one like this where there is no record of any unusual biological occurrence.

Professor Pixly Quigins, a leading expert in advanced biology at Baylor University, postulated that "There appears to be a negative energy at play here, an energy that is inhospitable to all living things. It is almost as though there is an evil presence that is keeping all of God's creatures away. In four days of intense searching all we have been able to find is a diseased rat and two cockroaches."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me guess, the diseased rat is cheney, and the cockroaches are bush and (laura, rumsfeld, rice) fill in the blank ...

But really, is this true? Is there a map of the effected area? Pictures? How close to bush's ranch? Will there be further studies?

9:16 AM  
Blogger teachingirl said...

Is Cindy Sheehan's land ok?

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it true what I've heard that the only reason Bush still has a dog is do to a large supply of Clones to replace the ones that die when he takes them to Crawford? I've heard that from many completely and totally believable sources that I am not at liberty to reveal due to privacy issues regarding the dogs health records.

4:00 PM  
Blogger bushhound said...

About the dogs, do they sample Chimp-Boy's food before he eats it?

12:09 AM  
Anonymous weirdric said...

If it's a 'dead zone', why does DUHbya have to clear all that damn brush every year? The dead stuff grows back? [hey; that's no spookier that him being prez in the first place!]>

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Shasta Blue said...

To answer to your question weirdric, the brush is a stage prop that is brought in and planted to provide a photo op of Bush-as-macho-man wielding a chain saw.

5:12 PM  

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