Thursday, August 24, 2006

USA Flooded With 290 Million Illegal Immigrants

Plymouth, Massachusetts - Archivists in the Massachusetts State Library announced the discovery of a legally binding contract dating from March of 1621 in which William Bradford, leader of the Pilgrims, and Chief Massasoit, leader of the Wampanoag tribe, entered into an agreement that clearly stipulated that the Pilgrims and any immigrants that followed them would only be allowed temporary residency as visiting workers during which time they could cut trees to build houses and till the land to plant crops. However, all Pilgrims and any immigrants who followed would only be permitted to stay for a period of ten years, after which they must return to their country of origin.

It is thought that William Bradford entered into this ironclad contract that limited the extent of their rights and length of residency because he was fearful that without the help of the Wampanoag tribe all of the Pilgrims would perish from cold and famine. For his part, Chief Massasoit took pity on the new arrivals and did not want to see them suffer, although he did not want them to stay any longer than was necessary.

Legal scholars who have studied the document state, without exception, that the agreement between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag tribe is binding and still enforceable to this day. Professor Lawrence Higgins of the Yale Law School said, "Chief Massasoit was very smart in his use of language. This is a superbly crafted contract that is sure to be upheld in court. Of course, this means that over 290 million Americans will now be classified by law as illegal immigrants and will be subject to immediate detention and deportation to their ancestral country of origin since only the Wampanoag tribe and other native Americans can be considered full citizens now that this document has emerged."

White House press secretary Tony Snow appeared unprepared and refused to answer any questions on this subject during today's press briefing. Also, Karl Rove was said to be meeting with Republican leaders to discuss how this will change their strategy for the fall elections.


Anonymous canyonfodder said...

LOL! Now what happens?

12:43 PM  

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