Monday, September 04, 2006

Enraged George Finds Laura In Bed With Dick

Washington, D.C. - All of official Washington is abuzz with tales of intrigue and betrayal following the unauthorized disclosure that President George W. Bush discovered his wife, Laura, in bed with Vice President Dick Cheney. News of this sordid tale was apparently leaked to select members of the media by White House staff who felt that they could no longer hide this embarrassing fact from the public and who hoped, that once it became known, it would force Laura and Cheney to call off their red-hot sexual liaison.

As far as can be determined from highly placed sources, last Thursday, President Bush returned early to the White House after cutting short his daily bicycle ride due to a minor groin injury. He then walked into the Presidential bedroom where he discovered the First Lady and Vice President locked together in the throes of unrestrained passion. Bush is said to have stood there for seven minutes with a stunned look on his face before he was able to mutter a single word or react in any way. During that lengthy pause, Cheney and Laura were able to reach a mutually satisfying conclusion to their amorous activity and still had enough time to get fully dressed.

As a result of this troubling episode, President Bush is said to be deeply distraught and extremely disappointed in both the First Lady and Vice President. He has taken to drinking again and spends long hours looking at pictures of the twins while wondering aloud if they are actually his children.

Cheney, while expressing regret to the President over his actions, has confided to friends that Laura is a super-heated dynamo under the sheets and that if things were different he would leave his wife Lynne, who he describes as more frigid than a Popsicle, to spend more time with the First Lady. Laura, on the other hand, is remorseful for her actions and is meeting daily with Dr. Phil in hopes that she can restore the faith and trust in her marriage.

Perhaps Dr. Phil summed up the situation best by saying, "If the First Lady has an itch and the President doesn't scratch it, the Vice President is only a heartbeat away."

3 Comments:

Anonymous KnickKnack said...

Next step for Laura and George, the Jerry Springer show.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Jiffy-Junkboy said...

You forgot to mention that W. blew Cheney upon discovering the tryst, and that it was in Vegas. ;0) It stays here!

11:02 AM  
Blogger arlene said...

Love your article, but I think it would have been more believable if it were Lynne Chaney instead of Dickey boy...and perhaps Condi might have been in on it too!

12:38 AM  

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