Pluto Suffers Major Slap Down

Prague, Czech Republic - First it was called tiny, frigid and distant. Now, in a stunning rebuke from the International Astronomical Union, Pluto has received the unkindest cut of all. It has been relieved of its position as a full fledged planet and downgraded to the humiliating status of a dwarf planet.

How much ignominy must one frozen rock of ice and gas be forced to endure? Well, that depends on whether or not this decision stands. Already, there are several groups forming to defend what they call "Pluto's rightful place in the universe." One organization that has given itself the name Friends of Pluto has sworn that they will do whatever it takes to reverse this decision.

Celeste LeMonde, an amateur astrologist and fragrance therapist who is leading the movement to reinstate Pluto to its former glory, said "Yesterday there were nine planets and now there are only eight. This is just wrong. Who do these scientists think they are, toying with us like this? What will they tell us next, that the universe is just an illusion, a gathering of ethereal gases coalescing into a collective consciousness that has become fragmented through the diffusion of expansion? Well, they can kiss my milky way."

Friends of Pluto and other similar organizations plan to hold major demonstrations this weekend in Europe and the United States to show their support for the much maligned celestial body. Astronomers plan to hold counter-demonstrations at the same times and locations. No violence is expected but authorities will be prepared in the event emotions get out of hand by providing a larger than usual police presence.