Bush Announces Amnesty Program For Democrats

Washington, D.C. - In a rare display of generosity and magnanimity to his political opponents, President Bush today announced a general amnesty for all Democrats who are willing to renounce their party affiliation and become Republicans. Democrats who accept this amnesty will have their NSA dossiers deleted and will no longer be subject to random surveillance by the FBI or auditing by the IRS. In addition, reformed Democrats will immediately become eligible for the 10 percent Republican party discount at Wal-Mart.

This program also applies to current members of congress as well as ordinary citizens. Democratic senators and representatives who accept the amnesty offer will retain their seniority and will also receive lucrative positions on the board of Exxon Mobil when they retire. Senators Lieberman, Pryor, and Landrieu are the first to accept this amnesty. More senators and representatives are expected to follow.

As a result of this amnesty offer, Republicans are now expected to maintain their hold on both houses of Congress in the November elections.