Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Bush Publicly Defecates On Constitution

Washington, D.C. - Today, in a brazen display of his absolute power, President Bush instructed his aides to place the original copy of the Constitution on the lawn of the Rose Garden. Then, in front of the entire White House press core, Bush pulled down his pants, squatted and proceeded to defecate on America's most precious document. When the president finished, he pulled up his pants and proclaimed, "Our form of government is over 200 years old. We need something new."

Reaction from members of Congress was swift and overwhelmingly favorable. Senator McCain, speaking for most Republicans, said "President Bush is my kind of leader. What he says makes sense. 200 years is a long time. Besides, what is the Constitution anyway? It's just a piece paper."

The initial response from the media was also very positive. Brit Hume of Fox News said, "It takes a bold leader to point out the fact that the Founding Fathers were radicals who created a flawed document that is more fitting for a hippie commune than a great country." Chris Matthews of MSNBC said, "I applaud the president for this grand gesture of reform. Bush is a manly man who is sure of himself. I can't see John Kerry or Al Gore acting this decisively."

A few hours later, the president's aides gathered up the soiled Constitution and returned it to the National Archives.

6 Comments:

Anonymous knickKnack said...

Bush has been doing this for 6 years.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous George said...

This is no surprise to me. It wouldn't surprise me if Dubya tried to impose microchip implants on us!

I say, keep telling us the truth, Virt!

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Dave Smith said...

George, this is obviously satire.

knickKnack said...
Bush has been doing this for 6 years.

No, the Government as a whole has been doing this for much longer than that. And it won't get any better when a Democrat is president, either.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Let's not foget that the American colonists were the first to institutionalize guerilla warfare, and that they fought against an established government.
Under the Bush regime, that makes the Colonial Minutemen, the Founding Fathers, and anyone who helped them in any way (such as serving them dinner in a tavern,or watering their horses) or sympathized with them in any way (for example, reading a pamphlet by Tom Paine)terrorists. Under our system now, stripped of habeus corpus, all those people could have been "disappeared" in broad daylight and then taken to a foreign country to be tortured and never be heard from again.

I keep hearing that this is "a different kind of war" or "a war like no other" - why is it so different?
Because we don't have an actual government to negotiate with? Okay - well, neither did the British over 200 years ago, as America didn't have one yet. They didn't stoop to these actions.

Because we face an amorphous enemy that covers several regions of the world and works through intermediaries? That sounds a lot like the Cold War to me. We didn't need to suspend habeus corpus for that and we didn't.

Because the enemy attacked US soil? Well, so did the Japenese, and we didn't suddenly sacrifice our rights.

This "war" is no different from all the others that have happened in America's history. They all had facets that could have lead to any of the actions taken by the Bush administration and rubber-stamped by a cowardly congress, but somehow we've always managed to perserve what we stand for in the face of any threat.

We have sacrificed our birthright, gutted our laws, and bowed to fear: land of the not-quite-as-free-as-they-think-they-are, home-of-the-scared-shitless.

Tragic. Destroyed from within.

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Many years ago in the made-for-TV movie called Skokie about a Jewish community facing an American NAZI Party demonstration, a Holocost survivor played by Danny Kaye got up in front of a meeting and said, "When facism comes to America, it will not come waving a Swastica, it will come wrapped in the American Flag." (Or words to that effect...it's been a while).
Georgie Porgie's grandfather, Herbert Bush provided financing to the Wehrmacht and did not stop until JOhn Foster Dullas told him he'd be tried for treason if he continued.
These people are the monarchist remnant who have no conception or laws, constitutions, human rights, or anything that restricts their entitlement. It's not so much a matter of malice, as it is a matter of congenital ignorance, the generational delusion or assumption of Divind Right, that Creation was put here for their personal use and pleasure and the rest of us only exist as playtoys in their sandbox. Compared to them, Marie Antoinette was a piker!!!a

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Because the enemy attacked US soil? Well, so did the Japenese, and we didn't suddenly sacrifice our rights."

Yes, we did.

Or have you forgotten about the internment of American citizens in concentration camps, just because they happened to be of Japanese ancestry? And the fact that the Supreme Court of the time ruled that this massive violation of habeus corpus was legal?

Yes, the government has since then -- forty or fifty years later, appologized for this action, and offered restitution.

Can anyone imagine the current ruling cabal making such a gesture over any of their violations of the Constitution, now or ever?

Now is not unique. It's a dangerous time, but it's not unique.

7:35 AM  

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