Iraq Study Group Released From Guantanamo

Washington, D.C. - The White House announced today that the entire Iraq Study Group has been given a pardon by President Bush and that they have also been released from custody in Guantanamo. A spokesperson for James Baker, former Secretary of State and co-chair of the Iraq Study Group, said "Secretary Baker and the men and women who worked with him on the Iraq Study Group are pleased to have received a pardon and are anxiously looking forward to continuing with their daily lives."

Assimilated Press has been told by sources in the White House that it was felt that their detainment in Guantanamo was no longer necessary since the Iraq Study Group Report has already been effectively silenced and thrown into the dustbin of history by the Bush administration with its latest "surge" policy.

When asked why a pardon was necessary before they could be released, a high ranking Justice Department official said that "James Baker, Lee Hamilton and a number of other members of the Iraq Study Group were subjected to waterboarding, sleep deprivation and nonfatal beatings during their imprisonment and that one of the conditions of their pardon and release was that they would not comment on their treatment in Guantanamo which would only serve to cast the Bush administration in a bad light."

In a related development, pictures taken by guards at Guantanamo that show James Baker, Lee Hamilton and other Iraq Study Group members naked and stacked in a pyramid have been classified as top secret and will not be shown to Congress or the public.