Monday, May 07, 2007

President Bush Denies Having Brain

Washington, D.C. - In response to recent stories regarding a top secret government project on artificial intelligence that has gone horribly wrong, President Bush today attempted to put the matter to rest by denying White House involvement in the entire affair or even the very existence of the program which is said to be the first effort by the United States to build an ultra-super computer based on the processes of the human brain.

In recent days, the White House and Department of Defense have been shifting responsibility onto each other with neither side willing to take the blame for what has gone wrong, although the nature of the mysterious mishap has still not been identified. Just yesterday, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates threw the issue back at the White House by claiming to have no knowledge of the project. This is what triggered the President's response today.

Said the President, "I am here to put all of the rumors to rest. I do not have a brain and neither does anyone else in the White House."

While not refuting the President's statement, critics said it did little to quell rumors of the top secret project.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who needs brains when you can strut and bluster.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

from... The New York Times

Bush: A No-Brainer

A campaign slogan left over from 2004, "Bush: A No-Brainer," assumed fresh meaning today when President Bush released a statement regarding a supposed secret program to create an electronic brain.

The President, speaking from the Rose Garden, said, "I am here to put all of the rumors to rest. I do not have a brain and neither does anyone else in the White House."

Republican leaders quickly sought to highlight the President's intentions behind his words. "What the President meant," said Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), showing irritation, "is that no program for artificial intelligence is being conducted. I think the President's meaning is very clear. Anyone who twists the President's words is making a cheap joke that's not even worth discussing. It's this kind of stuff that weakens our democracy and invites in terrorism."

Others took matters more calmly. John Tucker, interviewed outside the Stop N' Go near his home in Cincinnati, put it more plainly. "Nothing to get excited about," shrugged Mr. Tucker. "I always knew The Skipper Dude ain't got no brains at all."

5:29 PM  

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