Saturday, May 05, 2007

Defense Department Denies Existence Of Artificial Brain

Washington, D.C. - Secretary of Defense Robert Gates today denied the existence of a government program to create an ultra-super computer based on the modalities of the human brain.

Said Gates, "We have lots of top secret programs that do amazing things. We have one highly classified program that turns cheddar cheese into a rocket propellant and another that turns cotton candy into a powerful weapon that can be used to raise the enemies blood sugar level. However, my favorite top secret program currently under development is a baseball cap with a propeller that turns a soldier into a flying machine. As for the rumors about the ultra-super computer based on the human brain, that's a new one for me, but then again, I'm new to this job and can barely find my office."


Anonymous pinko said...

Gates cleverly fails to mention the "super-duper secret locator ring" that allows him to find his office.

The SDSLR originally was developed to find WMD, but when no WMD were ever found the White House decided the SDSLR wasn't working effectively and discontinued use in the field.

Prior to the reassignment of the SDSLR to civilian use, a lucrative no-bid contract was given to Halliburton to continue further development.

Halliburton is reported to be in marketing discussions with Frito-Lay, Inc. manufacturer of CrackerJack.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Not related to this post, but FYI, cool website that calculates the Cost of War for your state and county.

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Beatrice said...

pinko, thanks for the website. Shocking to see that number growing so fast.

10:09 PM  

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