Cheney Awarded Purple Heart

Bethesda, Maryland - Vice President Cheney was awarded a Purple Heart at a bedside ceremony today. Mr. Cheney, recuperating from an emergency snarlectomy, received the Purple Heart from President Bush, with Mr. Cheney's family, the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal, the staff of Fox News and Heritage Foundation members attending the ceremony.

"Dick Cheney has been wounded by the comments of evildoers," declared President Bush." And people hurt his face, his mouth, his, you know, the smile thing. That's why he gets this Purple Heart. Because his smile hurts people."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko