Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Cheney Rushed To Hospital For Emergency Snarlectomy

Bethesda, Maryland - Vice President Cheney is resting today after undergoing an emergency snarlectomy. The vice president was being interviewed by Brit Hume of Fox News and was discussing recent opposition to continued US presence in Iraq when the medical incident occurred.

Mr. Cheney was saying, "Brit, we know for a fact that all these people hate America and are working for Al Qaeda" when he suddenly found it difficult to speak clearly.

The Secret Service and employees of Fox News at first believed that the vice president was having a stroke, and he was rushed to Bethesda Naval Hospital. Doctors at the hospital determined that the vice president was not having a stroke but was unable to speak properly due to a facial snarl that refused to relax.

Hospital spokesman Dr. Milton Ostrowsky held a brief press conference giving some details of the emergency surgery to remove the vice president's snarl, "We have hope that the vice president's snarl is somewhat relaxed and lessened," said Dr. Ostrowsky. "In a case such as this it is of course impossible to remove all traces of the snarl, but it is our hope that the vice president will still be able to speak out of both sides of his mouth just as he did before."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great!

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Erika said...

Any truth to the rumour that the snarlectomy was a 14 hour procedure that involved a carpenter and a welder as well as a surgeon?

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Homeland Security said...

Erika,
Due to the War on Terror, such information is classified.
Homeland Security

8:47 AM  

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