Administration Changes Calendar To Eliminate September

Washington, D.C. - In a surprising move the administration today released Executive Order 091101 "Reordering Monthly Designations," officially relegating the month known as September to the scrap heap of history. To compensate on the calendar, the executive order extends the months of July and August to 45 days each.

"We have left no child behind," declared President Bush during the Rose Garden announcement of the new calendar, "and now these children deserve a rest from all their hard work. Therefore, we are extending July and August and eliminating September."

The move was widely praised by the Association of Summer Camps, Day Care Centers and the National Education Association Benefits Bureau. Washington insiders speculated that Karl Rove was behind the move in an attempt to make a positive impression on the next generation of voters in an attempt to guarantee a future permanent Republican majority.

White House press corps doyenne, Helen Thomas, took a different approach to the news when questioning White House press spokesman Tony Snow, Ms Thomas noted that the administration had promised a full assessment of the effectiveness of the most recent troop surge in Iraq, but that Mr. Bush had mentioned that the last compliment of troops had arrived in Iraq fairly recently and that the president had stated "The full surge in this respect has only just begun."

"First, we are supposed to get an assessment of the troop surge in September. Then the president says there isn't going to be any September anymore. What is the relationship?" asked Ms. Thomas.

"What relationship between what?" replied Mr. Snow.

"The relationship between the president saying he would provide Congress, that Gen. Petraeus would provide Congress, with an assessment of the surge in September and now doing away with September?" asked Ms. Thomas.

"What relationship do you think there may be?" asked Mr. Snow. "That's not for me to answer," said Ms. Thomas, "the question is for you."

"Well, I don't see why as press spokesman I have to answer anyone's questions," replied Mr. Snow, "and, Helen, I wish you would stop asking perfectly good questions to which I have to give ridiculous answers."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko