Iraq War Moved To Dutch Antilles
Washington, D.C. - The White House announced today that all combat operations in Iraq will cease. Fighting will be relocated to the Dutch Antilles and conduct of all military and political goals will be outsourced to Halliburton.
White House spokesman Tony Snow defended the move when questioned saying, "No, I don't think it's 'cut and run' at all. Full combat operations will continue. The Dutch Antilles will be a better staging ground for our military operations and we have a higher expectation of success once troops have been moved out of Iraq where, to be frank, sectarian strife is getting in the way of an American victory over al Qaeda. Al Qaeda is the enemy, and we can defeat al Qaeda better and more effectively if there are fewer distractions to the main mission."
A senior White House official confided privately, "Moving the war to the Dutch Antilles is a smart idea. It will take Americans another 18 months to locate the Dutch Antilles on the map." Asked if this 18-month knowledge gap would hamper chances for peace by the 44th President the official replied, laughing, "Like we care."
President Bush was somewhat vague about the reasoning behind changing the war's venue. "Dick, I mean the Vice President, said he had everything all worked out with the Dutch and asked if I was okay with moving the war to the Dutch's Aunt Tilley's. I said if it was okay for the Dutch's Aunt Tilley, I didn't have any problem with it."
Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko