Alberto Gonzales Double Dares Congress To Impeach Him

Washington, D.C. - In a strikingly brazen display of contempt for Congress, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales pulled down his pants and mooned Senator Pat Leahy and then spit in the face of Senator Diane Feinstein before yelling out to the entire Judiciary Committee "Impeach me, you cowardly scum! I double dare you! I triple dare you!"

Gonzales then urinated on an expensive Persian rug on the floor of the committee room while refusing to answer whether or not plucking the eyeballs from a prisoner was torture or simply enhanced interrogation.

Several hours after his committee appearance, President Bush once again reiterated his support for his embattled attorney general by saying, "Gonzo is my guy. Hell, a neutered Chihuahua couldn't be more loyal than my buddy Gonzo. There isn't anything he wouldn't cover up for...oops, I mean do for me. I'm behind him 100 percent or 200 percent, whichever is larger."