Vice President Cheney Orders Invasion Of Congress

Washington, D.C. - In a last ditch effort to stave off embarrassing investigations and possible criminal prosecution, President George W. Bush appointed Vice President Dick Cheney to act as commander of all military forces in the United States.

Cheney, dressed in a quasi-military costume designed by his friend Ted Nugent, immediately seized the initiative by ordering a raid on Congress which he declared enemy territory infiltrated by elements of al Qaeda. Overwhelmingly outnumbered, Democratic senators and representatives valiantly fought off wave after wave of attacks until they were ultimately betrayed by Senator Joe Lieberman who showed Cheney's troops a secret passage into the building from which they were able to mount a surprise attack and defeat the Democratic defenders who were then led out of the Capital building in chains.

Most media outlets quickly voiced their support for the decisive action taken by the president and vice president. In particular, the Washington Post in an editorial written by Fred Hiatt stated that, "By invading Congress, President Bush and Vice President Cheney are telling the world that they won't let Democrats or democracy stand in the way of victory. We salute such firm resolve and praise both Bush and Cheney for their masterful leadership."

Several hours after the invasion of Congress, Supreme Court Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas and Kennedy were seen with Bush and Cheney celebrating the defeat of congressional Democrats over several pitchers of margueritas at their favorite restaurant, Hooters.