Fortune Cookie Says Bush To Be Reincarnated As Frog

Washington, D.C. - While dining in one of the capital's most expensive Chinese restaurants, President George W. Bush received a shocking premonition in his fortune cookie which left him visibly shaken and near tears. The narrow slip of paper that fell out of his traditional Chinese dessert contained a simple message. It stated, "You will undergo countless reincarnations as a frog and will be treated in these carnations as you yourself treated frogs."

Sources close to the president speculate that he was upset over this glimpse into the future because it reminded him of his favorite pastime as a young teenager in Kennebunkport, Maine when he would spend long afternoons placing firecrackers in frogs which he would then toss into the air as he gleefully watched them blowup. Apparently, thinking back on how he treated those helpless amphibians sent the president into a state of panic.

In a desperate effort to avoid his fate as predicted by his crunchy oracle, Bush claimed that it wasn't his fortune cookie but instead belonged to his wife Laura and that he had taken it by accident. However, the first lady would have none of this and scolded George for acting like a baby. In near hysteria, the president then shouted to the assembled diners that he was protected by executive privilege and that he had the power to declare the fortune cookie null and void. However, the owner of the restaurant, Mr. Lee, quickly struck down this last desperate ploy by stating unequivocally that "fortune cookies affect all people equally whether they are a lowly beggar or the president of the United States."

In a related development, the Department of Homeland Security has banned the importation of fortune cookies for reasons of national security.