Wednesday, August 08, 2007

New Orleans Suffering From Storm-Battered City Syndrome

New Orleans, Louisiana - After a brief episode of strained relations, New Orleans has forgiven President Bush for having had contact with Minneapolis. For his part Mr. Bush has staunchly maintained all along that his relationship with Minneapolis was strictly business and that his pledging aid to Minneapolis for bridge repair was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

Immediately after Mr. Bush's visit to Minneapolis, closely before the second anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans claimed alienation of Mr. Bush's affections. However, after Bush renewed his vows to rebuild New Orleans, the city appears to have forgiven all.

Marcia Funebre, an expert on domestic relations, says that New Orleans' willingness to forgive demonstrates a typical pattern. "It's storm-battered city syndrome," said Ms. Funebre. "New Orleans realizes, on some level, that Bush hasn't told the truth. But, at the same time, New Orleans looks around and thinks 'Well, there aren't any dead people rotting in wheelchairs on the sidewalks, or armed gangs taking over the hospitals or people drowning in their own attics or being mugged in the Convention Center, so maybe things really aren't all that bad.' After having invested two long, hard years in the relationship New Orleans is reluctant to totally give up on Bush."

It has been pointed out that some of the current presidential candidates would be eager to ally themselves with the city. John Edwards, in particular, has appeared several times in New Orleans using the unresolved post-Katrina problems as a demonstration of Bush's incompetency and neglect, while claiming that he would be the city's knight in shining armor. Edwards even got a haircut prior to one visit. So, why hasn't New Orleans explored its other options?

"Of course there are many candidates who would be happy to give New Orleans attention," agreed Ms. Funebre, "It's still quite an attractive city and it has that cute French accent. John Edwards probably isn't the only candidate who would come to the city with a solid proposal. But, evidently New Orleans isn't at that stage of self-awareness yet. New Orleans seems willing to continue to tolerate the cycle of sweet talk and broken promises."

Questioned about Mr. Bush's feelings for New Orleans, Ms. Funebre said, "No one can look into George Bush's heart and know what he really feels. But, let's not forget that before there was New Orleans there was Baghdad. Personally, I don't think Bush has ever gotten over his infatuation with Baghdad. Even though it's been years since he's seen Baghdad, he still talks about that city every day. His heart has been captured by an exotic city and foreign affairs. An American city and routine domestic relations don't seem to excite him anymore."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Erika said...

New Orleans and Minneapolis should be careful. Having unprotected relations with George W. Bush can result in disease, pestulence, bankruptcy and complete loss of self-worth.

11:14 AM  

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