Sunday, September 02, 2007

Bush To Save America By Ending Freedoms

Washington, D.C. - President Bush flew from his home in Crawford, Texas to make a major announcement on domestic policy. An unprecedented formal assembly of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Supreme Court, the heads of the FBI, CIA and NSA, the Attorney General, and the full U.S. House and Senate was convened. Due to the high security risk of this assembly, Vice President Cheney did not attend in his role as President of the Senate, but remained in a secure, undisclosed location.

The text of the President's speech follows:

"Al Qaeda is a dangerous evildoer. They attacked us on 9/11. They constantly attempt to attack us again and again. They attack our brave troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why does Al Qaeda hate us so much? They hate us for our freedoms."

"Armed conflict is, of course, the first choice of action when any problem arises. History has shown us that carrying a big stick while wearing heavy boots is the best strategy for success in any geopolitical situation. But, I have been speaking with Vice President Cheney, Secretary Rice and other trusted advisers and they agree that in addition to armed conflict there are other ways of winning the hearts and minds of Al Qaeda.

Al Qaeda hates us for our freedoms. Unfortunately, there can never be peace in the Middle East if there is so much hatred. Al Qaeda hate us for our freedoms; if we remove these freedoms from America, Al Qaeda will not hate us anymore. If Al Qaeda does not hate us we can bring peace and stability to Iraq and Afghanistan. We can secure peace for all the countries in the Middle East."

"America is the leader of the world. It is our responsibility to do all we can to bring peace and prosperity to the other countries who share our planet. We must do all we can to help our neighbors, even those far away. It is the American way to help our neighbors. It is our privilege. It is our duty. And, I know that the American people have the strength, the compassion, the courage and the resolve to do what needs to be done."

"Therefore, by edict as Commander in Chief and Unitary Executive, I hereby dissolve all rights, privileges and freedoms in the Constitution. Thank you. God bless you. God bless America."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko

3 Comments:

Anonymous Robert Kennedy said...

he's already done this hasn't he? but i must admit i did miss the speech. thanks for bringing it to my attention. Very smart of him to make this speech while congress was out of session, too.

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn freedoms! Always getting in the way of a dictatorship. Look how clean and crime free North Korea is.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Complex Event Processing said...

I'm a little confuse

by "Vice President Cheney" do you mean "Fourth Branch of Government Cheney?"

7:16 PM  

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