There's A New Way To Forestall Foreclosure
Pueblo, Colorado - If the booming American economy you keep hearing about sounds more like a death rattle, there is hope: sell your soul. For $504.00 in cash an atheist raised money for a student group by offering up his soul on e-Bay. Per agreement he attended various churches for 50 weeks taking notes and reporting his impressions to the buyer, a Christian minister. The atheist was up front that any money he received would be donated to a student group promoting secularism and the deal worked out well for all involved.
As you may have noticed, this country is being run by a lot of soulless people. Bush sold his soul, Rove sold his a long time ago, and Cheney never had one. Colin Powell misplaced his somewhere, and so did Condi Rice. (Antonin Scalia thinks he has a soul, but it's only heartburn from eating endangered species.) General Petraeus sold his soul. Hillary Clinton sold hers, and so did John McCain. There is also a quite noticeable lack of souls among tobacco executives, major television news networks, K Street lobbyists, the Department of Justice and both houses of Congress.
But, if life hands you lemons, make lemonade! It's the American way to supply what's in demand and this is an untapped market with great growth potential! Selling your soul is safer than selling your body, easier than selling your car, and more lucrative than selling your blood, besides, everybody's doing it!
Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko