Speaker Pelosi Carrying Bush's Love Child

Washington, D.C. - Rumors about Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President George W. Bush engaging in a passionate love affair have been circulating around Washington ever since she became speaker of the house and used her position to enable the President to continue the war in Iraq as well as his assault on the rule of law and civil liberties. This gossip reached a crescendo today when Pelosi harshly reprimanded Representative Pete Stark for his comments on the floor of the house in which he criticized President Bush for denying health care to needy children while sending troops to die in a war based on lies for his vain glory.

Political observers have surmised that no honest speaker of the house would attack their own party member for speaking the truth against the opposition unless that speaker was fundamentally compromised in some way. That is why most people are assuming that the rumors of a Bush Pelosi dalliance are true.

Now, Assimilated Press has learned through carefully cultivated sources within the White House that not only is this rumor true but that Speaker Nancy Pelosi is pregnant with the president's child. We have also independently verified this with several of Pelosi's closest associates who have told us that the speaker has delivered an ultimatum to the president forcing him to choose between her and the First Lady or else she will take action to end the Iraq war and restore the Constitution.

Assimilated Press will bring you more details on this fast moving story as they occur.