Apple Invents GPS To Get Us Out Of Iraq

Palo Alto, California - Steve Jobs of Apple Corp announced today that his company has invented the iMLOST, a portable Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) device. The iMLOST, the size of a cell phone, has advanced diplomatic and military capabilities which allow the user to triangulate rival Shi'a army locations, pinpoint Sunni insurgents and negotiate safe passage through the minefields of neocon denial to get American troops out of Iraq.

Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) have expressed a cautious interest in the device. A senior spokesperson at the White House has said that due to the President's busy vacation schedule, he will not be able to look at the iMLOST until sometime in late January 2009.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko