Bush Regrets Not Being Able To Fight In Iraq

Washington, D.C. - In a long remorseful soliloquy during an interview given to Brit Hume of Fox News, President George W. Bush said that he regretted that he was too old to fight alongside the troops in Iraq, "You know, I wish I was young enough to be with our brave American soldiers as they do their mission thing in Iraq and kill all those evil-doers. It's very romantic. Chicks love that kind of thing."

As the interview progressed, Bush also said he regretted missing his opportunity to "nail the head cheerleader" at Andover when he had the chance and he also regrets not having had the time to finish reading his favorite book My Pet Goat but that he hopes to finish it one day.

In a related development, the Pentagon today awarded President Bush the Congressional Medal of Honor for his service during the Vietnam War in which he successfully kept the North Vietnamese from invading Alabama while helping the local economy with his whole-hearted support of the liquor industry.