Bill O'Reilly Renounces American Citizenship

New York, New York - Bill O'Reilly stunned his Fox News Channel audience today with an announcement that he would immediately renounce his American citizenship and move to Paraguay with his soul mate, conservative pundit Ann Coulter.

Saying he could not live in a country run by godless Democrats, O'Reilly pledged to retire from broadcasting so that he could devote all of his time to his true passions, growing loofahs and watching pornography involving sex with female employees in subordinate positions.

Executives at Fox News, in a cost cutting measure, decided to broadcast reruns of The O'Reilly Factor for the next 8 years after several focus groups confirmed what had been common knowledge in the industry, that Fox viewers were unable to tell the difference between new shows and those that were previously broadcast. The focus groups also showed that Fox viewers could not tell left from right, and that they did not know who is buried in Grant's Tomb.