Thursday, November 27, 2008

Chloe The Clever Turkey Outwits President Bush

Publisher's note: In honor of Thanksgiving we are republishing the heartwarming story of President George W. Bush and Chloe The Clever Turkey. Enjoy!

Washington, D.C. - In the annals of history there have been great epic contests between the giants of the world stage. There was Alexander and Darius III, Napoleon and Wellington, Grant and Lee, Ali and Fraser, the Celtics and the Lakers, and now added to their ranks is the story of President Bush and Chloe the Turkey.

At first, it seemed an obvious mismatch. After all, how could a flightless bird with a brain the size of a pea compete with the President of the world's mightiest nation. Still, it is these events, where one of the participants comes in as a heavy underdog, that legends are made, and so it is with Chloe the Turkey.

It all began on the day of the traditional White House Thanksgiving ceremony where every year a turkey is saved from an early death by a presidential pardon. However, what isn't commonly known is that there are two turkeys sent to the White House before the ceremony, one to be pardoned and one to be eaten. On this day the two turkeys sent were named Gertrude and Chloe. As fate would have it, Gertrude was selected to be saved while Chloe was selected to be served.

Then, on Thanksgiving morning, after the pardoning of Gertrude, President Bush did what he has done every year since he left home at the age of 42. He dressed up in his old National Guard uniform and prepared to personally slaughter the hapless turkey chosen for the Bush family dinner. As the president entered the kitchen carrying a shiny butcher knife, Chloe caught the glimmer of the sharp steel blade and instinctively knew that the end was close at hand unless decisive action was taken. Seizing the moment, Chloe slipped out of tethered rope keeping her captive and lunged at the startled president who turned and tried to escape from the brave turkey as she fought for her life. As President Bush ran from the kitchen and down the hallway, Chloe was in close pursuit and constantly pecked at his now bloody and raw backside.

Responding to the President's screams for help, secret service agents converged on the scene and began firing their weapons at the ferocious fowl causing White House visitors and employees to flee in panic. In the confusion that followed, Chloe spotted an open window and made her move. In two swift motions, she jumped onto a chair and then out of the window. Running as fast has any turkey has ever run before, Chloe headed towards the sun and was never seen again.

With the Bush family Thanksgiving dinner in jeopardy and no turkey to be found at this late date, Chef Jacques Blovel resorted to a drastic measure he had not used since his early days as a cook in a café in Marseilles. He butchered a stray cat found earlier in the day on the White House grounds and stuffed it with the President's favorite sausage dressing. Served with candied yams and healthy portions of mashed potatoes and gravy, the meal turned into a surprising success.

Said Barbara Bush, the President's mother and matriarch of the Bush clan, "Cat tastes better than I thought it would. I think next year we should try one deep fried."

And so ends the story of Chloe the Clever Turkey. The bravest and smartest turkey the world has ever seen.


Blogger Mike Rappaport said...

Virt, I hope you're just taking a vacation and haven't quit. You have a great site here.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are you, assimilated?

Happy New Year.


8:38 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home