Thursday, October 19, 2006

Barbara Bush Says Joe Lieberman Is W's Real Father

Houston, Texas - Confronted with official documentation and leaked records that had previously been sealed, a tearful Barbara Bush admitted that the real father of the president is not George Herbert Walker Bush but Senator Joe Lieberman from Connecticut. This news has stunned the nation and has also deeply shocked the president who was not aware that Lieberman was his biological father until today's surprise announcement.

Realizing the controversial nature of this disclosure, Barbara Bush said that she hoped people would understand and not judge her too harshly for this one mistake. Said the former first lady, "Joe and I were young and in love. One night our passion just got the better of us. I never told anyone until today. Only Joe and I knew and we swore we would keep it a secret forever."

There was no comment from the senator although a check of official records by Assimilated Press turned up a doctored birth certificate for Lieberman that showed that the year of his birth had been changed from 1924 to 1942, which would make him old enough to be the President's father. Assimilated Press also uncovered medical records for Lieberman that detailed numerous face-lifts and botox injections.

Washington insiders and political consultants agreed that this revelation from the matriarch of the Bush family explained Senator Lieberman's unwavering support for Bush since the president took office six years ago. Said Norman Ornstein of the American Enterprise Institute, "No Democrat except a fool or a father would have supported Bush's policies over the last six years and Lieberman is no fool."

5 Comments:

Anonymous AlexanderB64 said...

More great investigative reporting! This all makes sense now and certainly explains Lieberman's bazaar behavior. And yes I've noticed the fresh new face Lieberman is now wearing.

11:22 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Thursday President Bush was interviewed by John Tucker of the Houston Chronicle. In a contentious exchange the President defended his family against any scandal.

(Excerpted)
The Houston Chronicle: Mr. President you recently learned that your biological father is Senator Joe Lieberman.

Bush: Yes, yes that's right.

Chronicle: Were you surprised?

Bush: Of course. But, you know, it's funny, kinda funny, how I always felt this strong bond with Senator Lieberman. Joe Lieberman is a fine man.

Chronicle: Do you feel differently about your mother? Knowing she slept with a man not her husband?

Bush: That's the good thing about being a Christian - you forgive people. And those people seek forgiveness. So everything is forgiven.

Chronicle: So you don't feel that your mother is guilty of adultery? That she betrayed former President George H.W. Bush?

Bush: No. Like I said before, all is forgiven. Water under the bridge.

Chronicle: Do you have any difficulty in speaking about this subject?

Bush: No. You, and anyone else - some people, well, some people might call my mother nasty names but that's rolls off my back. Doesn't bother me.

Chronicle: Is it true Joe Lieberman, your father, is it true your father is Jewish?

Bush: I'm not answering that. I don't appreciate anyone casting aspersions about my family.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Gaia sighs... said...

"Bush: I'm not answering that. I don't appreciate anyone casting aspersions about my family."

The reporter undoubtedly misheard Bush. Many of us heard him say "inspirations."

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I AM YOUR FATHER BUSH SHITWALKER!!!

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have no idea how close to the truth you are. Now why possibly would Joe Lieberman support the removal of a petty dictator in the middle east, who posed no threat to the U.S.? Lieberman, Lieberman, there is something funny about that name...

10:35 PM  

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