Bush Pardons Himself For Crimes Past, Present & Future

Washington, D.C. - President Bush today issued a pardon to himself for all crimes he has committed in the past, for crimes he is currently committing and for crimes he intends to commit in the future. In addition, Bush issued pardons to Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Condaleeza Rice, Alberto Gonzales, Colin Powell, Jeb Bush, his wife Laura and the twins. In announcing these unusual blanket pardons Bush said "You can't be too careful. There would be hell to pay if anyone ever found out two-percent of what we've been doing for the last six years."