Cheney's Diseased Heart Removed

Washington, D.C. - Today, doctors at Georgetown University Hospital removed Vice President Dick Cheney's heart. The operation went smoothly and later in the day Cheney was released from the hospital when it was established that the absence of a heart had no effect on his condition. Said Cheney, "I feel great! If I had known that I didn't need the old ticker I would have gotten rid of it long ago." Doctors were amazed that the removal of Cheney's heart produced no noticeable change in his behavior and called it unique in medical history.