President Bush Indicted For War Crimes

The Hague, Netherlands - It is being reported that the International Tribunal in The Hague has returned an indictment against President Bush for numerous violations of the Geneva Conventions. However, because of the sensitive nature of this indictment, a three judge panel has ruled that it remain sealed until after Bush leaves office, at which time he will be served and placed into custody for trial.

Knowledgeable sources have told Assimilated Press that the indictment alleges that President Bush willfully violated the articles of the Geneva Conventions which govern the humane treatment of prisoners. In particular, it cites Guantanamo and several other American prisons as being rife with detainee abuse and it squarely places blame for this abuse on President Bush for authorizing interrogation techniques that can only be described as torture.

The Tribunal also accuses President Bush of violating the detainees rights to due process and claims that many of the prisoners are being held unlawfully for years without trial or charges which is in direct conflict with international law. Although there has been no official comment from The Hague, Chief Prosecutor Jurgen Laenen has expressed his outrage over the actions of the Bush administration and during a recent interview on Dutch television he said, "Has America gone mad? Is this how they want to be seen by the rest of the world? I am afraid they have lost their moral authority and they will never be able to get it back."

When questioned about reports of the sealed indictments, President Bush angrily replied, "You think I'm afraid of some cheese eaters who wear wooden shoes. I say, bring it on."

Additional indictments are expected against Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice.