Authors Of Left Behind Books Become Pagans

Sedona, Arizona - In a development that is sure to shock their mighty legions of fans, authors of the very popular Left Behind books, Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, have renounced their conservative fundamentalist beliefs and have switched to Paganism. In a statement released today, they said that Paganism best suits their new philosophy that all of God's creatures are precious and deserving of protection.

Both LaHaye and Jenkins spoke to Assimilated Press while on a spiritual retreat in the desert resort community of Sedona. In this free ranging discussion they expressed sorrow for the hatred and intolerance that results from extreme interpretations of religious doctrine and apologized to people of all faiths for any offenses they may have committed through their Left Behind series of novels. Said LaHaye, "We were filled with hate when we wrote those books and now we are filled with love."

LaHaye and Jenkins also said they were tired of being sheep and of leading sheep. Said Jenkins, "With Paganism there is more fun and far less hatred. We also learned a very important lesson. Repression eats at the soul until there is nothing left but a void. I wish all of the people who read our books could feel the joy we are now feeling."

Asked if they still believed that Armageddon and End Times were approaching, they laughed and said, "That is a bunch of baloney that's been used for centuries to keep the faithful in line. It worked in the Dark Ages and it still works today."