Sunday, October 15, 2006

Authors Of Left Behind Books Become Pagans

Sedona, Arizona - In a development that is sure to shock their mighty legions of fans, authors of the very popular Left Behind books, Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, have renounced their conservative fundamentalist beliefs and have switched to Paganism. In a statement released today, they said that Paganism best suits their new philosophy that all of God's creatures are precious and deserving of protection.

Both LaHaye and Jenkins spoke to Assimilated Press while on a spiritual retreat in the desert resort community of Sedona. In this free ranging discussion they expressed sorrow for the hatred and intolerance that results from extreme interpretations of religious doctrine and apologized to people of all faiths for any offenses they may have committed through their Left Behind series of novels. Said LaHaye, "We were filled with hate when we wrote those books and now we are filled with love."

LaHaye and Jenkins also said they were tired of being sheep and of leading sheep. Said Jenkins, "With Paganism there is more fun and far less hatred. We also learned a very important lesson. Repression eats at the soul until there is nothing left but a void. I wish all of the people who read our books could feel the joy we are now feeling."

Asked if they still believed that Armageddon and End Times were approaching, they laughed and said, "That is a bunch of baloney that's been used for centuries to keep the faithful in line. It worked in the Dark Ages and it still works today."


Blogger Msilaneous said...

In a perfect world, huh? Excellent post.

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are HILARIOUS!!! And, an excellent writer, too! Thanks for sharing your talent with us.

1:23 PM  
Anonymous RogerRoger said...

Pithy commentary with a great sense of humor! Love your site.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

The site is for real. Be sure to check out The Rapture Index, "the Dow Jones of Armageddon."

3:39 PM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

Pagans wouldn't have those two clowns.
Nice piece, though...

7:19 AM  
Anonymous Jerry Jenkins said...

Oooh, you guys are gonna be so left behind!

But now that I'm on your side, what can I say?

Funny, funny piece.

Jerry B. Jenkins
(yeah, it's really me)

10:35 PM  
Anonymous BOGI666 said...

The Left Behind books were written as fiction and marketed as such. Its appeal to the rapturists, also fiction, and the fact that the Scoffield Bible, more fiction, were all in agreement reinforced the fundamentalists misbeliefs into codification. The rapture doctrine was concocted in 1830 by Mary McDonald who was in a state of dellirium while ill. These delirious dreams developed into the rapture theory and the Scoffield Bible was concocted to substantiate the rapture doctine, which is a false doctrine meant to be used to teach its followers worship the anti christ.

5:50 AM  

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