Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tiny Genitalia Plagues Followers Of Right-Wing Pundits

New York, New York - Turn on your TV or radio and you find them everywhere. They're loud. They're obnoxious. They wrap themselves in the American flag and they claim to be protectors of God and country. They are conservative pundits and now, according to a recent study by the Carnegie Foundation, listening to them can be harmful to your emotional and physical well-being.

This rigorous ground breaking study was conducted on the collected followers of Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, and Glenn Beck over the course of several months. After a thorough review of the voluminous data collected, researchers at the Carnegie Foundation found that people who listen to these pundits suffer disproportionately from advanced atrophy of the cerebrum. In layman's terms, this means that they have largely lost the ability to think or reason. It was also discovered that these people, as a group, were largely illiterate and extremely anti-social to the point of being pathological.

Furthermore, extensive medical tests on these subjects showed that they also exhibited high levels of obesity, excessive flatulence and, for the male subjects in the study, extremely small genitalia.

As of press time, there were no official comments from any of the pundits mentioned in the study.


Anonymous KnickKnack said...

That headline will strike fear in right wingers everywhere.

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, at least that's one consolation....

...it'll make it harder for them to procreate.

I guess you could say its sort of a self-correcting mutation.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous terri k said...

I'm with ya on all the pundits except Matthews. Not a winger at all that one.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Terri that Chris Mathews is not spewing right wingm neo con bias. If he did at one time, he has seen the light, bless him. He is soooo Philly, the Delaware Valley has their man here.

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This explaines the extreme machismo attitudes and the Hummer. Or in the example of Bush the very large chainsaw and the F350 dually Ranch Hand. The truth is actually shown in the size 7 1/2 cowboy boot.

6:25 AM  

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