Tiny Genitalia Plagues Followers Of Right-Wing Pundits

New York, New York - Turn on your TV or radio and you find them everywhere. They're loud. They're obnoxious. They wrap themselves in the American flag and they claim to be protectors of God and country. They are conservative pundits and now, according to a recent study by the Carnegie Foundation, listening to them can be harmful to your emotional and physical well-being.

This rigorous ground breaking study was conducted on the collected followers of Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, and Glenn Beck over the course of several months. After a thorough review of the voluminous data collected, researchers at the Carnegie Foundation found that people who listen to these pundits suffer disproportionately from advanced atrophy of the cerebrum. In layman's terms, this means that they have largely lost the ability to think or reason. It was also discovered that these people, as a group, were largely illiterate and extremely anti-social to the point of being pathological.

Furthermore, extensive medical tests on these subjects showed that they also exhibited high levels of obesity, excessive flatulence and, for the male subjects in the study, extremely small genitalia.

As of press time, there were no official comments from any of the pundits mentioned in the study.