Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Bush To Send Rambo & Terminator To Iraq

Washington, D.C. - Hoping to prevent what appears to be an inevitable devastating political and military defeat in Iraq, President Bush has decided on a last desperate attempt to win on the battlefield so that he can have one more "mission accomplished" moment before he leaves office. In announcing this strategic shift, Bush introduced the secret weapons that he believes will reverse his humiliating loss and ensure a swift victory. These secret weapons are Rambo and the Terminator who have been instructed to immediately prepare for deployment to Iraq.

This controversial decision to send two of America's most famous movie heroes is not universally endorsed within the administration. While Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice agree with the president that this is a winning strategy, others such as Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and the entire Joint Chiefs of Staff feel that it has little, if any, chance of success. These opponents of the plan tried to explain to the president why it wouldn't work. Unfortunately, Bush could not be convinced that Rambo and the Terminator are fictional characters and not a real-life human being and cyborg that possess phenomenal powers.

After he signed the activation orders for Rambo and the Terminator, President Bush stated to the members of his cabinet, "Everything is going to be fine. Now that Rambo and the Terminator are on board, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup, " he sees the light at the end of the tunnel "

Unfortunately that light is a huge Train of death, morbidity, debit and a piss poor view of American ideals.

I gotta say though, I think Rambo who fought in Vietnam, unlike our preznitwit, could do a better job managing the Iraq war.Heck a 3 yr old could do a better job!

2:00 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Unfortunately, neither Rambo (who is bound by contract to finish filming some boxing movie) or the Terminator (who recently broke a leg skiing) is available.

Superman would have gone to Iraq but since the INS has issued an order for his deportation as an illegal alien Superman has been hiding out in The Fortress of Solitude.

Batman is awaiting the results of a rabies test but senior Pentagon officials say both Batman and Robin are unlikely to be sent to Iraq due to their habit of wearing their underwear on the outside and the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The Hulk was rejected on psychiatric grounds, Elastigirl and Wonder Woman are pregnant, and the Invisible Woman hasn't been seen recently.

But don't worry, America: Vampira, Jughead and The Care Bears are on the job!

4:32 PM  
Blogger Lwayno said...

FAUX News Alerts: The Terminator, i.e. Arni-Poo,Governator of California ,refuses The Presinator's order to go to Iraq. Arnie-Poo stated that he had
recently broken his middle leg while in combat with Annie Koulter over his/her virginity and asked to be excused. He did however, offer to send Bill O'really to San Francisco for combat duty. reported by Jeffy "Scoop" Gannon, Ace White House reporter and HotMilitaryStud-Whore

2:47 AM  

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