Friday, December 29, 2006

Fox News To Dump Bush & Republican Party

New York, New York - Rupert Murdoch and the entire executive team at Fox News have come to the conclusion that they made a massive mistake in their absolute and unquestioning loyalty to President Bush and the Republican Party and that it has had serious consequences on their ratings which have plunged into a death spiral over the last two years. Now, they are desperately trying to figure out how to get out of this predicament that they themselves created. Making the situation even more worrisome is the fact that the shrinking viewer base of Fox News is composed of the least desirable demographic for advertisers, namely under-educated white bigots with no disposable income.

In seeking to keep Fox News afloat, Murdoch has already made the decision to abandon their unequivocal support of both Bush and the Republican Party in the hope that they can still manage to salvage a small shred of journalistic integrity from which they can build a real news organization to replace what is commonly considered to be nothing more than a shrill propaganda organ. To this end, they have drawn up a plan that attempts to navigate their transformation into an institution with integrity, credibility, and yes, one that is truly fair and balanced.

Assimilated Press has managed to get a copy of this transitional plan from a highly placed source at Fox News. Among the changes that will soon be implemented are a complete revamping of programming. Bill O'Reilly. Sean Hannity, John Gibson and Brit Hume will not have their contracts renewed. Replacing them will be a new team of anchors featuring Arianna Huffington, Paul Krugman, Sy Hersh, and Bill Moyers.

Fox News will also introduce a new slogan which will be "Please forgive us for our past lies and biases and take a look at our new lineup which, unlike our previous programming, will be truly fair and balanced."

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I felt bad enough clicking here from your HuffPo comment. Worse now. Making this stuff up doesn't help defend the constitution, it just creates crap for the wingnut echo chamber to yammer about. I'll try not to visit this site again.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right, and pigs will fly and hell will freeze over, and better yet wing nut liberals will admit that Bush didn't lie, he was just mistaken.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous terri k said...

Oh come on you guys...it is funny. Get a sense of humor :-)

Between the lines it is plausible. Fox News does need a new plan, their "news" is so not news.

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny, you should write for The Onion.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Masala said...

I look forward to the "news reports" here.
Political commentary that is funny and entertaining.
Keep up the good work, Virt.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one Virt. Just like Dorothy in the Emerald City.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess site this is supposted to pass for humor. Where are the straight shooters with the facts? Anything less is a diversionary distraction.

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought this was amusing--does anyone here remember the term tongue in cheek? Look it up.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Sandpiper said...

An Anonymous calls this site "diversionary distraction"!?
Well, duh. (Sorry couldn't help myself). Have you ever hear of something called "SATIRE"?

2:01 PM  
Anonymous X. Ninnis said...

Sandpiper, a better question might be whether or not he or she has ever heard of the word "redundant"; I mean good God, "diversionary distraction" ?!?

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Stogoe said...

This is the first site I read in the morning, because I am a fan of the satire. Many people are not, and I pity these stupid gits.


As an aside, Anonymuses, even if you don't use blogger, pick a handle under 'other' so the actual people can know who's writing what.

6:17 AM  
Anonymous bluecorn said...

for just a few seconds I believed it was true *sigh*

ps..without a sense of humor we will not get through this dark night, lighten up everybody - the way to increase alertness for the fight begins with relaxation

10:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

has virt ever looked at the cable news viewership statistics? i think not.

2:42 PM  

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