Government Seeks Betsy Ross For New False Flag

Washington, D.C. - The Department of We Don't Exist (WDE), a unit of a clandestine agency not listed in any budgetary appropriations bill, is looking for a modern-day Betsy Ross for their latest "false flag."

A false flag is an incident staged by a government, usually against its own people, that is blamed on a foreign country or internal opposition group. The false flag then provides the government with the "evidence" it needs to "prove" there is no choice except to "retaliate" against the "perpetrators."

"We thought it would be a morale booster to create an actual cloth flag for our next false flag, Operation Enduring Mistrust," said a senior WDE spokesman. "Since many Americans can't find America on a map, we figured we could make up a flag and then say it was Iran's."

"We were hoping a Betsy Ross would answer this patriotic call and help us out with some ideas", continued the spokesman. "So far all we've managed to come up with is a bunch of evil-looking guys wearing uniforms beheading Santa Claus."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko