Jack Bauer Wins South Carolina Republican Primary

Columbia, South Carolina - In a stunning victory, fictional television character Jack Bauer has won the Republican Presidential Primary in South Carolina with an overwhelming write-in vote. Coming in a distant second was Mike Huckabee followed by John McCain and Mitt Romney. Rudy Giuliani came in last only a few votes behind Jefferson Davis.

The losing candidates, sensing that the Republican electorate wants their nominee to be even more tough, unaccountable and insane than the present occupant of the White House, quickly vowed to bomb Canada, Mexico, Brazil, France and Mauritania to demonstrate American resolve to use military force and they also unanimously agreed that torture should not only be allowed in public schools but that it should be mandatory.

Following his win in South Carolina, instant polls now show that Jack Bauer is the clear front runner to win the nomination as the Republican candidate for president.