Exxon Mobil Names President Bush Employee Of The Year
Irving, Texas - In a lavish award ceremony hosted by ex-comedian Dennis Miller, President George W. Bush was named Exxon Mobil's employee of the year. Included as part of this prestigious award was a check for 10 million dollars which will be deposited in an off-shore account in the Cayman Islands, a vacation home in Aspen, Colorado and, of course, a beautiful trophy.
In presenting this honor, Rex W. Tillerson, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Exxon Mobil, said "The price of gas has more than doubled since George and Dick were installed in our house...er...I mean the White House. Environmental regulations have not been enforced and the world is more unstable than it has been for generations, all of this has been great for business, the oil business, our business. That is why I am very pleased to give President George W. Bush this award as Exxon Mobil's employee of the year."
Accepting the award in front of a wildly cheering audience, the president, with tears rolling down his face, said "The Bush family has a long history of serving the oil industry in general and Exxon in particular. In fact, dad always used to say 'ask not what you can do for your country, ask what you can do for Exxon' and that has been our motto for generations. It is the last thing we think about when we go to bed at night and it is the first thing we think of when we get up in the morning. That is why I am proud to receive this honor as Exxon Mobil's employee of the year."
Also in attendance were last year's winners, Supreme Court Justices Roberts, Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Kennedy.