Rush Limbaugh Busted Sniffing Nitrous Oxide In Piggly Wiggly
Palm Beach, Florida - Rush Limbaugh was arrested today on charges of burglary, public intoxication and violation of probation. After posting a five thousand dollar bail he was released to the custody of his personal attorney.
According to the police report and several eyewitnesses, the incident occurred at a local Piggly Wiggly supermarket where Rush Limbaugh was seen loitering around the refrigerated dairy section in a suspicious manner. Upon closer inspection, store employees noticed that the conservative talk show host was inhaling nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, from numerous cans of whip cream where it is used as a propellant.
When the manager of the store approached the right-wing celebrity he grew belligerent and shouted out, "You don't know who you are messing with, Pal. I can have my good buddy, George Bush, shut down your god damn store by the end of the week with just one phone call to the White House."
The manager of the store then tried to placate Limbaugh by offering not to place charges against the talk show host if he quietly left the Piggly Wiggly. However, by then, a crowd of onlookers had gathered which only seemed to increase Limbaugh's hostility as he began spraying whip cream at the shoppers while screaming obscenities. At this point, the police were called and Limbaugh was handcuffed and taken into custody.
Later in the day, a statement was released by the public relations firm Hill & Knowlton on Rush Limbaugh's behalf. It stated that "Mr. Limbaugh will be having no comment on this matter. He has entered a rehabilitation program to end his dependence on whip cream can propellants and hopes to return to work in a few days."