Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Rush Limbaugh Busted Sniffing Nitrous Oxide In Piggly Wiggly

Palm Beach, Florida - Rush Limbaugh was arrested today on charges of burglary, public intoxication and violation of probation. After posting a five thousand dollar bail he was released to the custody of his personal attorney.

According to the police report and several eyewitnesses, the incident occurred at a local Piggly Wiggly supermarket where Rush Limbaugh was seen loitering around the refrigerated dairy section in a suspicious manner. Upon closer inspection, store employees noticed that the conservative talk show host was inhaling nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, from numerous cans of whip cream where it is used as a propellant.

When the manager of the store approached the right-wing celebrity he grew belligerent and shouted out, "You don't know who you are messing with, Pal. I can have my good buddy, George Bush, shut down your god damn store by the end of the week with just one phone call to the White House."

The manager of the store then tried to placate Limbaugh by offering not to place charges against the talk show host if he quietly left the Piggly Wiggly. However, by then, a crowd of onlookers had gathered which only seemed to increase Limbaugh's hostility as he began spraying whip cream at the shoppers while screaming obscenities. At this point, the police were called and Limbaugh was handcuffed and taken into custody.

Later in the day, a statement was released by the public relations firm Hill & Knowlton on Rush Limbaugh's behalf. It stated that "Mr. Limbaugh will be having no comment on this matter. He has entered a rehabilitation program to end his dependence on whip cream can propellants and hopes to return to work in a few days."

27 Comments:

Anonymous pinko said...

Talk Radio:

"So how many of these so-called "employees" of this store were illegal immigrants, huh? That's the real story here. Why would that store manager say he wasn't going to place charges? Because he had something to hide, that's why. The liberal media left that out of the report on Limbaugh; they left it out because it doesn't fit their agenda. That's the REAL story here people and don't let them pull some smoke and mirrors on you. How do YOU feel about these so-called "news" people, this liberal media, cutting off YOUR access to the real story? All lines are open."

12:44 PM  
Anonymous KansasKate said...

Virt, too funny!

Pinko, spot on!

4:15 PM  
Blogger NewportJoey said...

I Started to cry when the commercial with Michael J Fox first played. Rush should be publicly stoned.

5:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Rush should be publicly stoned."


Isn't he already?

6:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yawn.... Another funny one. (Cue sound of crickets.)

7:18 AM  
Anonymous George Mullins said...

Personally, I'm still wondering, what exactly was old 'Fat Boy' Limbaugh doing with Viagra in the Dominican Republic?

"Fishing trip"? Or was it hookers?

I welcome your comments and suggestions.

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RushRush left his home in Tucson, Arizona....
Former Rep. Mark Foley checked himself into the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in Arizona two days after he resigned from Congress in disgrace!
A typical 30-day inpatient program costs about $30,000.
Hey!
That's the same place
Rush Limbaugh
hangs out at!
When Rush returned to his show Monday, November 17, 2003, he was his typical modest self. "I know the sky probably seems brighter to you no matter where you are," he said. "The air is cleaner, the water is purer, and it's not because of the environmentalist wackos. It's because I'm back, right?"
He had a lot to say about his treatment, and a bit to say about its location. "Last Wednesday afternoon I was discharged from the treatment center which, by the way, was not in Tucson." He continued, "We succeeded in fooling everybody on that. It was in Arizona but it wasn't in Tucson, and it was an intense four weeks."
Sierra Tucson is not in Tucson. It is immediately north of Tucson, in the the foothills of the Santa Catalina Mountains.
Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner
But he knew it wouldn't last.
Jojo left his home in tucson, arizona
For some california grass.

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are no Piggly Wiggley stores in West Palm Beach or that area of Florida, so this is a totally false article. Some people will print anything. I'm glad the internet allows one to check things first. Of course, it sadens me to see that the rest of you belive it and don't check it, but what the hey, how else would the democrates get votes.

8:39 PM  
Anonymous Democracy4U2 said...

Hey Anonymous, you have succeeded in substantiating the stereotypical dittohead. Wow. You better check out some of the other stories here too. Next thing you know you're going to be telling us that the moon is not made of cheese even though bush thinks it is (see last Friday's report) or that Lieberman is not really Bush's father.

9:01 PM  
Anonymous Sheshell said...

Why the hell isn't Anonymous checking the constant stream of lies that spew out of Limbaugh's mouth? Oh, that's right, it's that dittohead mentality, again. Wouldn't you think that people would be ashamed and embarrassed to admit that they let Limbaugh "do their thinking for them"?

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, it seems most people here are the sterotypical lib, saying one thing "Experienced journalists fearlessly reporting the truth in pursuit of the real story" but in truth doing the oppisite. But hey, that is why libs are no longer in power and before you go get all excited, I bet, libs will not regain power in the house or the senate, you are just too far out of touch and are too willing to say anything, do anything just for power. People, if you are wanting to pursue truth, then do so. You don't need to make things up, the real world is strange enough.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous radmod said...

Man, these cancervatives really are idiots aren't they?

BTW, for future reference, I think it is "whipped cream" not "whip cream" unless there's a joke I don't get.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What this exercise proves, is that "Ditto Heads" lack the sophistocation of witt to understand what a parody is and why it makes us, "libs" laugh not with them, but at them.

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It may be known as laughing gas -- but even Nitrous isn't needed at http://WWW.LIMBAUGH.COM if you look at the first few links.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The premise of this satirical piece IS pretty misleading. I don't know about West Palm Beach, but I do know that the Piggly Wiggly in Memphis pulled whipped cream from their dairy section around 1990, as many kids were doing what the article portrayed Limbaugh doing. Since then, it's only sold by request.

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First Off,,Rush,,You're the biggest bag of "Hot Air" that ever came down the pike. All you do is run your yap,,all day, and you think you are spewing pearls,,well it ain't pearls,its BS. You report on what "others" do,,what are you doing?, Still sitting there running your yap, about useless rhetoric. Then the bit about the pain pills,,hey STUPID, what did you "think" was going to happen? You need a grip, a life, and ought to start thinking about actually "doing something", instead of just running your yap all day about what others are doing,,WHO CARES?

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...

I notice when someone posts a comment with some facts they've looked up and then a Rush hater reads that comment and doesn't like it, the next thing that happens is not an intelligent response. No, it's an "attack the man" making the statement argument, which by the way is an invalid argument and typical of "left". Why can't you guys ever respond to the facts with facts?

8:55 PM  
Anonymous karen said...

P.S.
This seems like a site to spew hatred. Admirable, I must say.
Parody huh? It is hard to tell, since the hateful left is so willing to print/broadcast all kinds of ridiculous fictions as though they are truths. Hmmm, I wonder how many of your intellectual types (well it ain't pearls, it's BS) believe such as this article, after all they believe the rest without thought or question.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are a lot of rush haters here i thought liberals compassionate now theres a joke as for rush getting a life and a real job he is worth in the neighbor hood of around 250.000.000 million dollars i would say that qualifies him as having a life WHAT DO YOU HAVE......

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi, just read your item. in the future do some homework. there are no piggly wigglies in palm beach county. try publics.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Allen said...

Vert,
Another example of one who never listens or knows anything, but believes generalities which are without fact, other than that this is accurate reporting and The MJF deal? MJF wrote in a book he would go off his meds on purpose before testifying and allow his significant bizarre behavior to appear to gain sympathy for his cause. When he stepped into the political arena he became fair game and of course the press ditorted everything. That's there job. BTW, I saw him in Nantucket once once and he is a puny little guy, not at all what the camera makes him to be it was hilarious what a nothing he appears to be in real life.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU LIBERALS NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME JUST ON YOUR ON STUPIDITY!NOT JUST WITH RUSH,BUT WITH EVERYTHING YOU PEOPLE SAY AND DO!LIFE IS VERY,VERY SHORT ON THIS EARTH,YOU CAN DO THE MATH,PLEASE FIND JESUS AND THE FATHER,I DO PRAY FOR YOU ALL. ALL JOKES ASIDE.WE NEED TO PULL TOGETHER AS PEOPLE,NOT APART.

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rush also went to dominican witha bottle of viagra remember that

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is one thing that I have learned about liberals. They are so wonderful and caring that they will always give you the shirt off of someone else's back.

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since Obamas preacher and others with similar teachings are more numerous than many whites think, could Obama be a Trojan Horse for America haters from within? This type of preaching only keeps average blacks down and their leftist leaders in power.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have all missed the biggest story of the weekend! State of Texas Wages War on Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. Establishes First Baptist Church as their State Religion.
State of Texas officials used First Baptist Church buses to haul away dangerous women and children for intense interrogation. Invade their Sacred Temple in a Gestopo type 2AM raid.

9:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe how gullible wanna be republicans are, you make 40 or 50 thousand & your part of the establishment, like someone's out for your peanuts.That pill popping sex touring, fat boy make's 250 what?
Fine example of how screwed up capitalism has become. Less Government please! At what point in human history have we ever demonstrated that we don't need control. Hasn't the country just been bled dry along with the housing fiasco yeah that's what we need more republican gluttony. Time to split it up again progress on one side backwoods and super rich on the other.

5:09 PM  

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