Saturday, October 21, 2006

North Korean Dictator Praises Diebold

Pyongyang, North Korea - North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il today heaped strong praise on the American voting technology company Diebold as he awarded the controversial corporation a three-hundred million dollar contract to run North Korea's first-ever election for Supreme Leader. Although Kim Jong-il currently holds this position for life, he felt that having an election would provide his government with more legitimacy in the eyes of the world.

Said Kim Jong-il, "I have watched and admired Diebold's work in American elections for over six years now and I have to say that I am very impressed with the way they were able to deliver victory to President Bush and the Republican Party. I am confident that they can do the same for me here in North Korea. In fact, I have been assured by Diebold that I will receive 105 percent of the votes cast."

When asked how he could possibly receive over 100 percent of the votes cast, Kim Jong-il replied, "Ah, this is what makes Diebold so good at what they do. They can accomplish the impossible."

Standing next to Kim Jong-il was Diebold's Chief Executive Officer Tom Swidarski. Holding the three-hundred million dollar contract in his hand, Swidarski said "We are very pleased to be working with Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il and the North Korean government. It is our firm hope that this agreement will lead to other deals with countries such as China, Libya, and Uzbekistan where we feel our services will be best appreciated."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Shasta Blue said...

Right on target, again!

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, what a coincidence. Supreme Leader Bush received 105% of the votes in some Ohio precincts in 2004. Fuckin' amazing isn't it?

1:08 PM  

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