China Demands Florida & Texas In Place Of Debt

Beijing, China - In a move that surprised many economists, the government of China today foreclosed on all loans to America and demanded title to the states of Florida and Texas to satisfy payment of the enormous American debt. Financial markets world-wide immediately responded with sharply lower stock prices and record highs in precious metals which are always considered a safe haven in turbulent times.

Reacting to the emergency with the realization that his options were limited, a shaken President Bush signaled his willingness to part with Florida but balked at giving the Chinese his adopted home state of Texas. As a counteroffer, Bush proposed substituting Nebraska for Texas. At first, the Chinese were hesitant to accept this substitution. However, when President Bush sweetened the counteroffer with the addition of Hawaii, the deal was sealed.

Residents of Florida, Nebraska and Hawaii will be given three months to move to another state or they will automatically become citizens of the People's Republic of China. In addition, travel in and out of these three new Chinese provincial territories will now require passports and visas. Also, all federal, state, and local governments that remain under American sovereignty have been instructed to cover three stars on all American flags before they can be properly displayed.

In a related development, the World Trade Organization released newly updated figures which show that the People's Republic of China is now the world's biggest exporter of corn.