Monday, November 13, 2006

Fox News Fires Entire Staff

New York, New York - In a hastily called press conference, Rupert Murdoch today announced that News Corp was terminating the employment of the entire staff of Fox News including all on-air talent. Although the announcement caught many by surprise, industry insiders said it was inevitable following the Republican loss of both houses of Congress to the Democrats. According to those closest to Murdoch, he felt that it was time to completely revamp their programming schedule to adjust to the new reality in Washington.

Starting on January 1, 2007, Fox News will rerun the last 6 years of its programming in entirety in an effort to relive its golden age and save expenses. This radical gambit by Murdoch was supported by the shareholders of News Corp who felt that reliving the past would be a better option for Fox viewers who would be able to pretend that they were still living in a country dominated by the conservative movement.

Said Murdoch, "We are giving the viewers of Fox News the opportunity to live in a world where George W. Bush is always president and Congress is always controlled by the Republicans. Internal focus groups have shown us that this is a winning formula and with expenses cut to the bone and new advertising dollars from Halliburton and Exxon Mobil, I am certain that we will still be able to make a substantial profit which, in the final analysis, is all that matters to our shareholders."

In a related development, Assimilated Press has been told by well placed sources that newly unemployed Fox News personalities Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Brit Hume have pitched a new program idea to CNN in which the three uber-conservatives torture a different defenseless animal to death every week. Executives at CNN are said to be hot on the idea and have tentatively okayed the first 10 episodes. The first program involves common house pets, carpentry tools and a recipe for kitten cacciatore.


Anonymous Shasta Blue said...

Fox News viewers are so misinformed I doubt whether they would even realize they were watching reruns.

11:12 AM  
Blogger A.L. Baney said...

Why is it, that people view Fox News viewers as being less intelligent, or less informed about the issues. Every single program on the network has people from both sides of the aisle debating the issues. Say what you will, but Fox watchers get tired of the national and cable news stations beating negative stories to death every single day. I find it hard to believe that nothing positive has happened in the world over the last 6 years, but if I simply watched CNN day in, and day out, I would have slit my wrists years ago. How is it that we are losing 2 wars, the planet is going to explode from heat, police do nothing but beat down minorities, republicans rape pages, the president is really the devil, and democrats have all the answers....nothing positive, just the bleeding scum of the earth, publicized to the hilt daily. DO SOME RESEARCH....IT WAS NOT THE BLOGGERS THAT STAGED THE "FOX NEWS IS THE MOUTHPIECE OF THE GOP" NONSENSE. IT WAS THE OTHER CABLE STATIONS WHO STARTED THAT ARGUMENT. I BET YOU ARE SO MISINFORMED THAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE IN FACT A SHEEP! BAHHHH!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This just in... AL Baney contradicts self, validates previous post! LOL

12:20 PM  
Blogger A.L. Baney said...

Strong win!

12:22 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Entertainment News:

Fox Broadcasting Changes Lineup

Fox Broadcasting has unveiled a revised television 2007 lineup. In addition to reruns of the past 6 years' news coverage, Fox will be offering new shows to attract a different type of viewer.

Fox Broadcasting, home of "The Simpsons", "King of the Hill" and "Malcom in the Middle" says it plans to captalize on the Democratic wins in Congress by offering shows related to the change in majority political party.

One show, "I Wanna Make A Deal" where K-Street lobbyists and ousted Republican Congressional members attempt to avoid investigation by committees newly chaired by Democrats will air starting January.

Children's shows will include "Incurious George" about a monkey who doesn't want to know what others have to say, doesn't want to read the newspapers and doesn't want to meet people who think differently than he does and so gets into all kinds of trouble.

A reality-based show, "Yes, They Won" will have former superheroes who have lost their powers (The Hammer, Boy Genius, and others) stranded in a remote prison camp on the island of Cuba.

Finally, Fox is planning a daytime drama "Nancy the Dark Shadows Slayer" with Nancy Pelosi as a vampire slayer who rids the world of Dick Cheney.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

this just in... a.l. baney has nothing whatever to contribute to the satire of this blog.

Filum at 11 on anything but Fox.

Oh, by the way, baney: The evidence is in that Fox is the darling of the right. It does not take a rascally librul to perceive it. All you have to do is watch the way the "balance" actually works in the "balanced" interviews you mention.

Now, back on topic: Virt: very good post this time. It is true Murdoch would save a lot of money re-running the last six years. The funny reality is that he has been re-running most of the recent content using his time machine and going back to Ike's era when everything was just perfect. Seems those ancients really believed they were living in a paradise and their proof of it is Fox's content now.

It actually seems to me the people who relate to a.l. baney want to hear only the good news. But in a balanced world - like the one CNN lives in - there is good and bad and CNN reports all of it. For instance, looking at the headlines on CNN right now, there are five positive toned headlines and only four negatively toned headlines.

The problem with the a.l. baney types is they hate dissent and thinking for oneself. They cannot stand people who actually want the truth from news sources. They get upset when people ask them if it is true the emperor has no clothes. It is like the news organs during the Soviet era: Pravda and Isvestia - Truth and News and neither was but the average Soviet citizen loved them.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A.L> BAney... Here is some research for you:

Not only are FOX viewers more likely to be less informed, they are more likely to be misinformed.

3:55 PM  
Blogger A.L. Baney said...

Sorry guys, I didn't realize that a different opinion on the subject matter would result in blackballing and a dismissive attitude. I did not know that disagreeing with you would make me a dummy cause obbeeousley eye's two stewpid 2 undrstands exaktly hoew dis world worxs. Just a couple of comments...I never said I did not want the negative stories as part of my daily news intake, I merely stated that there are good things happening in the world right now, sadly no one is reporting on them. I'm actually very familiar with the PIPA polling used in the hear the issues argument up above. It's a rather compelling story up until the part you realize that PIPA itself has stated that the results are not reliable. The study and the assumptions are flawed...EVEN PIPA AGREES...stop posting retarded logic or I'll forward you to Ann Coulter's site for some hard's equally as insulting. I don't believe that anyone in the world thinks the Fox News is right down the middle...but they are not trying to fool anyone either. Hannity and O'Riley are no more unbiased journalists than say Keith Oberman...but Hannity and O'Riley don't claim to be news anchors...they claim they have opinions and they argue them nightly. The funniest part about the entire argument is the Fox does not dress itself up as hard news like the rest of them...yet they seem to give both sides the opportunity to debate the issues...what's more balanced than that? Dismiss me all you like...I'm just stating my case.

11:44 AM  
Blogger A.L. Baney said...

Take your frustration out on me at:

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A.L. Baney . . . a troll in denial.

Becoming more and more common. They're everywhere now after November 7th.

Faux News has "people from both sides of the ailse debating the issues"??? Hardly. They had Sean Hannity rudely shouting down any opposing view and Bill O'Reilly living in his fantasy-facts world equally rude to all non-neocons.

As a matter of fact, I can still remember Hannity rudely shouting down the Democratic guest on a show with transsexual Ann Coulter and when he/she simply didn't get to filabuster an answer, not even shouted down just couldn't ramble on and on with obvious bull****, it/she caled out "Sean? Sean?" and stomped off the remote set in an all-to-common Republican temper tantrum.

They can dish it out but can't take it.

So, troll, instead of calling others out to your bogus blog, we hope you just go away all by yourself like Mr. Coulter. Or maybe you will come back and write some more mini-novels . . . until your parents make you get off their computer and go back down to your basement bedroom.

4:04 PM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

So a.l. baney, what frustration would that be?

This is a satire blog and you don't get it.

It is just that simple.

Visit your blog? Why? Do you get paid by the hit? Speaking of hits, maybe you've had a few too many and your reality meter is broken. After all, you have "trolled" into a lefty satire site and now are upset about it's reflection on reality.

Do yourself a favor, a.l. baney. Go find some third grade blogs. You are not suited to play with the grownups. Speaking of grownups, I am sure your mommy and daddy will set a nice place for you at the small table next week while they try to explain those rascally libruls. Not that they can, after all they created you didn't they?

9:00 AM  
Blogger A.L. Baney said...

Again...why the personal attacks. I never claimed the hosts weren't bias, did you even read what I wrote. I attempt to bring dialogue to the table, and you accuse me of being dumb, it's a great argument style. No, no money for hits on the blog, I was just interested in a little back and forth...but apparently I'm too stupid, or I'm just programmed by my parents.

What part of my post leads you to believe I don't understand satire...maybe I just want a little rep from the other side.

I am a conservative, I do think you all are off the deep end...but I'll never call you stupid to discredit you, or claim your a product of your parents rather than free thought!

My site is brand new...and very small, but I'd like views from both sides..both posts and comments. You can post on my site if you'd like...I love the debate.

11:25 AM  
Blogger SudoMaki said...

Sorry to see you get hammered A.L. but let me explain.
The neocons movement has never been about ideas or intellectualism. It is simply about greed and power. The stated purpose of Gover Norquist et. al. has been the dismemberment of government- "shrink it to the point where it can be drowned in a bathtub." Their administrative incompetence is due to this attitude. Every single challenge before them has resulted in a disaster- Katrina, budget deficits, trade imbalance, war in Iraq etc..
What is frustrating for those of us on the left is when a liberal, thinking conservative such as yourself, tries to defend these idiots. You cheapen legitimate debate when you do that. The voters rejected Republicans because they don't want the government drowned in a bathtub. They want good governance. Please stop defending these people. They don't deserve your support. The only thing they deserve is prison for high crimes against the nation.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow!! I guess that's why Fox News is dominating and your CNN & PMSNBC is getting taken to the proverbial woodshed...hmm

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My main problem with Fox "News" is that shows like The O'Riley Factor and Hannity and Colmes are not news, nor are they hosted by journalists.They are essentially propagandists and , as has been said here, they are putting forth opinions, not facts.
If they took the word "news" out of the name I'd have a lot less problem with them passing off opinion as fact. But because they do promote themselves not only as newsmen and women, but , ironically, fair and balanced newsmen and women, then their viewers take their opinions as fact, hence the misinformation.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hvqji enjoy watching bill oriley.the subject the other day about the man who was bitching about the schools in america who celebrate christmas.he needs to go back to his country along with that mom and not worry about us here in america.we've had these holidays for decades in the free country.our government needs to keep these bastards out and don't come here to try to change's bad enough aliens come here and sit on our welfare systems and take our social security and our rotten government allows it.we the people of america should take a stand. your fan,selinsgrove,pa

3:42 PM  

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