Republican Politicians Selling At Bargain Prices

Washington, D.C. - With the Democratic takeover of Congress, Republican politicians are discovering that their cash value has been substantially reduced along with their power. Before the election it took a minimum of two million dollars to purchase a Republican senator, with some going as high as seven million if they chaired an important committee. Now, these same senators can be had for less than a million dollars each.

The news is even worse for Republican members of the House of Representatives where prices for Republican congressmen have plummeted to the point where special discount packages are being offered. However, even the buy one get one free deal has failed to generate much enthusiasm. Veteran analysts say that prices at the Congressional Commodities Exchange are at their lowest level in twelve years and could still drop further.

While this has reduced capital expenditures for current congressional acquisitions for a number of companies, major investors such as Exxon Mobil and Halliburton are not happy to see the value of their political investment portfolio decline so precipitously. With Republican congressional currency being so devalued, sources inside Exxon Mobil have told Assimilated Press that most of their political acquisitions will now be concentrated in the federal judiciary where life time appointments provide a more favorable climate for their return on investment.