Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Merck Creates Placebo That Cures All Ailments

Whitehouse Station, New Jersey - In what may be the most important medical advancement since the invention of penicillin, the giant pharmaceutical company Merck has announced the introduction of a new improved and super powerful placebo that has the capability to cure every disease and ailment known to mankind. It is called Super Placebo Plus and will be officially released on January 1, 2007 in a move meant to signify the dawning of a new age in drug therapy.

A jubilant Richard T. Clark, Chief Executive Officer and President of Merck, spoke for the company at the unveiling of this revolutionary product when he said, "Super Placebo Plus represents years of research and hard work. Many men and women have labored long. Many mice and rats have died. Many prisoners, students and other human subjects have suffered grievous injuries as we made improvement after improvement along the way. In the end, we emerged victorious with Super Placebo Plus, the all purpose, all powerful drug for all afflictions."

Wall Street reacted favorably to the news sending Merck shares to record highs. In addition, the long term outlook for the pharmaceutical company has also improved as the financial losses and damages to its reputation from the Vioxx fiasco are expected to soon be erased as their new drug surges to market dominance.

Prices for Super Placebo Plus will be a twelve dollars per pill. Suggested usage is one pill per day for life. Consult your doctor for a free sample and then get your prescription for a lifetime of health and happiness.


Anonymous pinko said...

In a double-blind clinical study 57% of those who received the real placebo reported significant decrease in major symptoms of their illness, 38% of those who received the fake placebo also reported significant decrease in major symptoms, 4% of the real placebo group and 3% of the fake placebo group reported no change in their symptoms, and 1% of both groups displayed markedly increased suspicion regarding double-blind clinical studies in specific, pharmaceutical companies in general and wanted to know "Eeehh, what's up, Doc?"

9:56 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home